By: Sue Bryce
on May 31, 2024

Over-Givers: It’s Time to Ask for More

To all you over-givers out here:

I am an over-giver or I used to be, but then I learned to ASK FOR MORE.

If you make an identity out of being a generous giver but fail to ask for return, you often end up feeling taken advantage of. This makes you an over-giver and someone who lacks boundaries and equal exchange.

People will take advantage of you. They’ll take your time, your energy, and your money, and they’ll keep taking even as resentment burns inside you.

The problem isn’t that you’re an over-giver. The problem is that you’re not asking for more, for equal exchange in return. You’re giving yourself away in order to gain love and please others, but that’s not self-value. You’re not setting, communicating, or demonstrating boundaries for yourself and what you truly want. That’s called being a people-pleaser.

The resentment that comes with people-pleasing is the worst. It stems from envy, as we secretly envy how others take and take. Deep down, we want to take more for ourselves.

Yes, you need to set boundaries and say no more often, but you don’t need to cut people off. Instead, ask for more in equal exchange. Start becoming aware of every moment in your day when you could have asked for more. Notice how often you don’t speak up for yourself or request equal exchange.

Pay attention to how many times you say yes when you really mean no. When you love and value yourself, your time, and your energy, you will ask for more. Ask for more support, more money, more time, more space. Remember, you are worthy of asking for more.

When I feel resentful that people are taking advantage of me, I grab my notepad and make a list of everything I want from others or everything I feel I lack in that moment:

• I don’t feel respected. I want them to respect me. I need to respect myself – set boundaries.
• I don’t feel loved. I want them to love me. I need to love myself – prioritize me.
• I want them to accept me… I accept myself.
• I want them to see/hear me… I speak up for myself.
• I want them to support me… I support myself.

If you stay in this burning private resentment you are staying in an old story of my needs are not important and my needs are never met.

Whenever I believe I’m lacking, I redirect all that attention, love, and energy towards fulfilling those needs within myself. There’s no point in spending minutes, hours, days, or even years wishing someone else would love you the way you deserve.

Love yourself the way you deserve, and then everyone else will feel that love. That’s when you can say, “I am love.”

It comes from within me, not to me through you. I love, accept, respect, and show up for myself.


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